My journey as a PhD student has been long and treacherous, mostly due to my foolishness and unfocused meandering, often getting distracted by what seemed to be important at the time but was not really, in the hindsight. When I almost lost my dream of earning a PhD, I have made a promise to myself to chuck anything that distracts me, no matter how enticing or seemingly important.
I have kept that promise to myself when I turned down a number of cool opportunities during the past school year and several times this summer. There were several interesting professional development as well as consulting opportunities but I only allowed myself one, just one, and only because it kind of relates to what we are doing in this class, does not interfere with my ability to focus on two classes I am taking, and will be over by early August.
It feels amazing to be able to say No and do it consistently, for almost one full year now. I do not allow anyone to guilt me or try to talk me into something. If it interferes with my PhD completion plan,
Hi Tatyana, I enjoyed reading this post, especially because I have a hard time with this! What a fitting GIF, having a long term plan can keep you focused and allow you to prioritize opportunities that come your way. I think the pressure we put on ourselves can be some of the most intense pressure and it is hard to turn down opportunities, but sometimes, we have to be kind to ourselves and still have time to enjoy life and the present. Congrats on staying focused on your PhD!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a good post Tatyana! I am proud of you for committing to saying no consistently, I know how hard that can be. I can't tell you how many seemingly "once in a lifetime opportunities" I have said yes to and been completely burnt out by the end. I am also learning how to say no to things that don't actually serve my goals in life. (no matter how enticing they may be!) So glad you are able to stick to your goals and get that PhD!!!
ReplyDeleteTatyana, this is a great blog and I whole heartedly agree. Life pulls us in so many directions, everyone needs us to do something. As women, I think we are more vulnerable to the mindset of "pleasing everyone." I resigned from a part-time, low-paying teaching position because I felt obligated to continue. I felt the burden of the responsibility of making sure that everyone got the training they needed. I am so passionate about advocating for children that I let it get in the way of what I personally and professionally needed. I also let my children do this, but that’s another conversation. So, I resigned and my last day was June 30th. Shocked most of my friends and family. I’m with Spanky; if it interferes with getting my masters . . .
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for the walk down memory lane with your recipes!
Saying no can be difficult, but also empowering. I struggle with it as well, but I'm getting better at it. Recently I said no to a brief -- and paid -- teaching engagement. After I hit "send" I felt relieved and realized I had just opened up my time to other possibilities. Now I like to remind myself that saying no to one thing means saying yes to others.
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